Sunday, August 22, 2010

Proof I'm Not Perfect

As a Christian, I'm forced to subscribe to the thought that I make mistakes and I'm not perfect. Actually no one is. However, I'm close enough to perfect that I'm willing to outline the reasons here. If you know me, you know most of these, but if you don't, I figure I should get them aaaaaallll out the way in the beginning, that way there are no surprises:

1. You know how some people say, "When I die, I want everyone to be happy and reflect on all the wonderful memories, and for it to be a big party!" I don't. I want everyone, even people who don't know me, but just heard of me, to be visibly upset, to cry, and for a select few of those closest to me, to consider suicide. Now, I don't want any one to commit suicide because I died. But I do want people to imagine their life as pointless without me, for at least a few minutes.

2. Sometimes when I'm tired of talking to people on the phone, I just hang it up, because I can't think of a good closer. And then later, I say my phone died, or I pretend to think it was their fault.

3. When telemarketers and/or bill collectors call and say, "Hi this is Susan, is this Crystal?" I say, "yes... Susan!!! How are the kids?!? Good I hope! I tried that new recipe you recommended and it's scrumptious! Look, I've gotta get on the road, but I will catch up with you later. Say hi to Ron!"

4. I drool a little in my sleep. I can't turn it off. It's not out of control. But it's definitely there.

5. I am hypnotized by Nicki Minaj's cartoon character voices. I don't support wigs, particularly lace front, but I.Can't.Stop.Listening.

6. I don't trust adults that wear shoes with Velcro straps.

7. When people respond to my text/BBM/other typed message with the letter "k" (and that's it), I write them off for the next 24 hours as inconsiderate.

There are at least 2 more things that make me less than perfect, but who really needs to know them all? What flaws do you have? I've shared. Your turn!