I know, you guys think I hate hip-hop, despite my ode to it, a few months ago. But I don't. It's like a relative; you make fun of them to show them you love them... right? And sometimes, we're so busy whipping our hair, wiping ourselves down, or stanky legging, that we don't realize how ridiculous it sounds. But I do. I listen to it and it provides consistent comic relief.
Some people would argue that the music I'm about to describe isn't hip-hop, that it's just rap music. People like my brother have this huge philosophical hang up with commercial versus underground, but my brother also looks like he's doing the Short Bus Shawty move in photos sometimes, so how seriously can I take him? Also, if an artist is truly "underground", how do we even know they exist?!?!
Anyway, I take this friendly rib at hip-hop because if I'm going to be forced to hear it when I go out, I may as well get to exploit it.
This list is by no means, the definitive or comprehensive list of laughable lyrics, simply, the ones I can recall at the moment.
1. Nicki Minaj - Your Love - "I think I met him in the sky; When I was a geisha, he was a samurai, somehow I understood him when he spoke Thai." Just that quick, Nicki has contributed to the miseducation of the Negro. Geishas are traditional Japanese female entertainers, and Samurai are high ranking Japanese military officers. So it's possible that a geisha could have met a samurai. Enter, Thai, a language commonly spoken in... Thailand. Add to this, their setting is "the sky." Cause you know, members of the Samurai and geisha fly... Uh... what?!?!?! If I overhear a child telling their mother, "Mom, let's go to Thailand and meet some geisha and samurai," I won't blame the child. I'll blame Nicki.
2. Chris Brown feat. Tyga & Kevin McCall - Deuces "She make wanna leave the one I'm with... Usher Raymond. Probably didn’t register, don’t trip, later on it will..." I don't know if it was Kanye, Wayne, or Drake that started this trend of word association rap... "Something something something, pause for a second... something that reminds me of something" but it's an epidemic. Kevin McCall almost did it effectively, when he referenced the Billboard Hit that registers with any and everyone over 20, Usher's -"You Make Me Wanna". But then, he followed with, "probably didn't register... later on it will."
Let me tell you something... if you hear that line, and then 15 minutes later, you go, "Ohhhhhhhh... he was talking about that Ursshhher song yooo!", I'm going to ask you to cough up the crayons you were chewing.
3. Lil Wayne feat. Robin Thicke - Shooter. "And to the radio stations, I'm tired o' being patient. Stop bein' rapper racists, region haters." I don't want to explain why "rapper racist" doesn't make sense.
4a. Young Jeezy - Put On. "Send them p**** n*** runnin straight back to the dealership, me I'm in my spaceship, that's right I work for NASA." No you don't.
4b. Young Jeezy - Put On. "Her weave look like some curly fries inside fish sticks, outside tartar sauce." .... What?!?!?!
5. Jay - Z - D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune). "This is anti-autotune, death of the ringtone. This ain’t for Itunes, this ain’t for sing-along...My raps don’t have melodies." There are at least 3 lies here. I'll let you figure them out.
Now that I've added Jay-Z to the mix, I have to stop, for fear of Illuminati coming after me. I know, that I left out thousands and thousands of lyrics. Please, for my entertainment, and for the world wide web's, share other funny lyrics.