Monday, January 3, 2011

It's Hard Out There for A Celebrity

We have non-profits to support all kinds of causes - underprivileged youth, breast cancer research, babies with cleft lips, but none for a cause that has for years affected many individuals.

Celebrity Life.
It's tough. Real tough. Stonewall Jackson.

Imagine this:

Case Study 1: You're a B-list rapper, you just performed at a show to dozens of fans, and you get back to your Extended Stay Hotel... All you want is some sleep and rest. But to your dismay... there are 3 fans standing outside of your door asking to... *gasp* TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU. How rude is that?!?!? How dare people who buy your music, travel across town, break curfew & their piggy bank, risk punishment for their entire senior year of high school by attending your show and then... on top of that... have the nerve to want to take a picture?!?
This is the sad, horrific life that Wale has to live every day. The preceding story prompted the following tweet from Wale, a DC Native, and hip-hop artist most known for his ability to rhyme motherf***a with motherf****s on the Waka Flocka hit, "No Hands":
It's sad how many people think it's ok to follow an artist to the hotel..and wait outside his room for a picture..really. - Wale.

Case Study 2: You are a musical genius. Everyone's favorite picture of you is one where you're juggling 6 Grammys in your arms for the sorta-eponymous album "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill." You are the original singer/rapper, way before Estelle and Drake. You're all set to perform for a show at a Brooklyn venue at 8 PM. But you're running late. The audience gets fidgety, but accepts that this is what often happens at concerts. 9 PM rolls around, and people are starting to worry nervously if you're stuck in traffic... 10 PM hits... and the fans are thinking, "Man, I can't believe I rushed here, I coulda stopped at Coldstone and got a Cookie Don't You Want Some" in the Love It Size!" 10:30 PM... The fans are now angry. They search their pockets for a receipt, anything to scribble out a sign to you. One even makes a play off your track Lost Ones and writes, "You Just Lost One." But what reaaaaaallly.... grinds your gears... is that your keyboard player who was ridiculous enough to be on time, puts up a sign that says, "I Was On Time" on his keyboard. You paaay this guy and he has the nerve to side with the fans, the ones who bought your music, and incidentally... his paycheck too... but..... STILL!!! HOW DARE HE! So at Midnight, when you show up, and all these blasphemous signs are thrown in your face by your fans and keyboard player, you are reasonably peeved! As the crowd boos/applauds, you tell them: "If you're unhappy, you're welcome to go back and ask for a refund... I apologize for being late, but there's a lot that goes on in getting this out to you... I don't apologize for that... When I hear people complain, I don't know what to tell you... I know I'm worth the wait."

Case Study 3: Chris Brown. The heartthrob that stole our hearts, made a horrible mistake, apologized, and still can't seem to earn forgiveness. People across America are still mad at him, including Raz-B, former member of B2K. When will this guy get a break? Just because his tweets are read by millions of people, he's required to restrain himself? Just because he can afford someone to monitor his public image, he's required to do so? Just because teenagers across the world, are already gripped by homophobia, many possibly molested, he's supposed to refrain from cheap potshots at someone who requires a full explanation before you even know who he is? ("Whose Raspy? Raz-B? Who's that? B2K?.... Sounds familiar, what they sang?.. Bump Bump Bump? Wasn't that Diddy? Oh they were singing in the background? Oh ok, I think I know who that is. His brother was in Immature. Nah, the other one? Oh...")

It is really hard being a celebrity. I'm so thankful that I'm just a 9-5 peon. We got it made. We don't have to worry about owning Black cards, astronomical bank accounts, adoring fans, and getting booed when we show up for work late.

Tell me why you're grateful you're not a celebrity. If you're interested in seeing a video of how horrible this life is, watch Lauryn tell you: