Wednesday, December 12, 2012

4 Things Women Pretend to Love for Guys' Sake

I’m 100% sure that someone who doesn’t take the time to read all the qualifiers I’ve made to the following generalizations will accuse me of being sexist or something else uncomely.  The Internet has given everyone, even the misinformed, a voice. Actually… especially the misinformed. But I’ll take my chances anyway.

A few weeks ago, Fox News trotted out an article so laughable that there was a waiting line of pundits, comedians, and bloggers ready to skewer it. Suzanne Venker, the author of soon to be published How to Choose A Husband, posited that “women aren’t women anymore” and that if women would just “surrender to their nature – their femininity – and let men surrender to theirs”, then “marriageable men will come out of the woodwork.”

Let the record reflect; I think that article is part hogwash, part nonsense, part self-hate, and part desperation for attention. It’s all foolishness. I do however think that some women adopt certain hobbies that they may not otherwise take part in, just for the sake of attracting men (sometimes failing horribly). Again, I said SOME women, but enough women do it for me to take notice and find it amusing.  

Here’s my top 4:

1. Sports. Obviously some women really do like sports. They play fantasy football and can spit all kinds of stats on their favorite players/teams. (Personally, I find it mind boggling that people will watch SportsCenter 723 times in one day when it’s a loop of the same thing OVER and OVER again. Plus… it’s usually a highlight reel of a game that you probably already watched. But I digress…)

But I’ve seen some women who could care less become raving, foaming-at-the-mouth Cowboys fans, all because a potential boo was in the room with a star on his chest. The Clark Kent to Super(Sports)Woman is the new hotness. Sadly, it’s usually transparent how fake their fanhood is when a woman yells “And he’s safe!! That touchdown means we’re going to the World Seeeerrriiiieeeeess!!! Woo hoo! I love you Kobe!”

2. Video Games. When I was in college, one of my roommates learned how to play Madden. She made it exceedingly clear that she was learning solely so she could flirtatiously trash talk someone into playing in our small dorm room. Then again, she’s happily married with a kid so maybe she was onto something. 

3. Strip Clubs. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like all of a sudden, the strip club is no longer a place exclusively for gentlemen to pick up the occasional venereal disease. One of my girlfriends seemed surprised recently when I told her I’d never been to a strip club.  She very generously offered to take me to a strip club to right this wrong. I politely declined. I’m pretty sure that although they make an astounding amount of money at a faster rate than I ever have, I’d feel compelled to talk the ladies off the pole. 

4. Misogynistic Hip-Hop. Years ago, Chris Rock infamously yelled (when is he NOT yelling??), “If the beat is right, she will dance all night!” As stated in previous posts, I have been known to dance to troubling lyrics that I’d rather not repeat. But even I have to draw a line in the sand somewhere and it’s probably around 2Chainz. Sure fellas, I get that “all you want for your birthday is a big booty hoe” but …. Why are the ladies singing along with you? Is a universal love for big booty hoes attractive?

I don’t know. I’m not a guy. But I think at some point, we should acknowledge that it’s ok to prefer Scandal over Sportcenter, Cranium over Call of Duty, and Timberlake over Two Chainz. (Seriously, when is JT gonna drop an album... we need it!)

What have I missed from this list? Ladies, are you willing to admit doing these things to earn cool points with the fellas? Or do you genuinely like skrip clubs? Yes, I meant to say skrip. Fellas, do you like it when a girl likes this stuff?

DC Readers: Tomorrow night is Karaoke 4 A Cause, my FAVORITE holiday party! Bring a toy valued at $20 (or $20) and join the party! Celebrate, sing, give. :) 

All proceeds benefit the Southeast White House. More info at