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Friday, November 4, 2016

Random Thoughts While Wedding Planning

1. Everyone's an expert. There are more opinions on what vendor, date, dress, food, flowers, venue, beverages, favors, hotels, locations, and literally everything else under the sun wedding-related a bride and groom should choose than there are Black people voting for Trump. (Admittedly - a low bar.)


My face when I have to cross someone off the list so that we can afford a child one day
2. SURVIVOR: THE GUEST LIST EDITION: Finalizing a guest list feels a lot like determining which character on The Walking Dead you are ok with being killed off. A lot of people you love don't make the cut; and a lot of people you are obligated to include do make the cut. Hopefully folks will understand. If they don't; it's fine. That's why you didn't invite them anyway. Kidding not kidding.


3. WEDDING CRASHERS: The agony of #2 has me daydreaming about various forms of terrifying things to do to wedding crashers. That movie is no longer funny to me. It is now a horror film. WHY WOULD YOU COME TO A WEDDING YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO?? Do you know there are people that we want to come but can't invite because we're not rich druglords? But you don't care. You're just nosy and/or wanted free dinner or to be in the room where it happens. If you crash a wedding, someone should call the police. I'll be petty in vintage lace. I don't care. (This guy gets a pass.)

4. "It's YOUR day" is the biggest lie I have ever heard. Sure, you can be a total bridezilla and make everyone do exactly what you want, and refuse to take into consideration anyone else's desires, but then... you have to live with/deal with/spend holidays with these folks afterwards, so no need to unnecessarily make everyone upset while they are bending to your every whim. I'm learning to choose my battles.

5. Conversely, you don't have to do anything just because. There are so many wedding traditions that people do just because. Why are we throwing the bouquet? Why do we have bridesmaids? Why does the dress have to be white? Why do we have to eat cake? (Why not say... flan?) I don't think any of those things are bad, but if you really like cupcakes, have cupcakes! As mentioned in #4, if you're kind of ambivalent about something, but your mom REALLY wants a cake, just have a cake. But if you really think throwing the bouquet to single women desperately grabbing for it makes your feminist core shudder, don't do it.


6. The whole thing is a scam. We all know it. There's no reason for vendors to mark everything up just because it's a wedding, but they do. And there's little you can do about it unless you want to become a florist overnight and/or quit your job so that you can have the time to create everything on all your meticulous Pinterest boards. But it's ok. Once you finish, you'll be inducted into a fraternity of married people that all got hustled. And hopefully, it's a one time hazing process.

And that's all. I'd say more, but I have some Excel sheets to update and a pb and j to eat. (Can't afford real protein until we feed an inordinate amount of people an elegant dinner in a few months.)

Plus, my mom keeps reminding me to have fun. And ya know... it is kind of fun planning the beginning of forever with someone who is committed to you even though they know eventually your teeth will fall out.